Monday, November 15, 2010

Thinking Too Much

I had a nice mini vacation this past weekend, with my boyfriend and his parents. I am far too exhausted to relive the memories through my words, though. As busy as I have been today, I couldn't help but spare some time for my beloved, Blogger. 

While I was away, Mask surprised me with the Versatile Blogger Award. In order to accept this award I must:
  1. Link back to the person giving me the award
  2. Tell you seven things about myself
  3. And, pass the award onto a chosen few
So here it goes!

1.  Mask, The Blogger Formally Known As definitely speaks versatile language. Every time I see a mask now, I think of you.
2. Seven things about thyself:
  • I am quite a spastic person, once getting to know me. I have the estimable ability of not keeping still. Though I am horribly shy around strangers, often called the quiet one, some part of me is always moving! Whether it be my leg, foot tapping, fingers touching, or playing with my hair. It's an odd combination, but uncontrollable nonetheless.
  • I appreciate the littlest things. Such as: Acknowledgement. I think all writers could agree on this. It's better to sit back and watch, realize, and acknowledge what's going on around you, rather than talking your mouth off.
  • I am intimidated by a lot of things and sometimes I allow fear to drive. I'm trying to break that habit. Then again, I have many, annoying, habits I'm trying to break from. 
  • My family is important to me. Some people aren't family orientated, but I'm that girl. However, I need my alone time too. Otherwise, I'll be a scattered mess.
  • I'm so stressed right now, it's hard to concentrate on who I am. I can see a bright future for all the time I'm giving up now, doing things I don't want to truly do. I got an internship today, for my school, but what I'll be writing about is my weakest category. Sports. I will be covering the sports for my college and I'm stressing myself out. I know very little about sports but I realized... you must do things you're not familiar with in order to grow. In this case, as a creative writer.
  • Since I was 15 years old I have been in a relationship. One guy after the other. I have never spent more than a year by myself to grow and learn... about myself. I love my boyfriend more than I ever imagined loving someone, but I know how much going to Humboldt will change me. He will be off to Texas, we'll see each other during holidays and school breaks. As hard as those few years will be, I am almost desperate for them. He knows me better than I know myself and that's not good. I want to be able to teach him things like he does for me, introduce new ideas, be confident in myself enough to stop crying over the lies I build inside my mind. Those dreams still haunt me... Last night, in fact, I woke up screaming. The dream was him kissing another woman and I could feel every shake and tremble. He woke up and held me. I don't want to worry about what could happen, even if it never would. I want the unknown to be my fuel. 
  • Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't even recognize who I am. Some nights, I'll cry to myself and wonder if I am where I'm supposed to be. I used to believe things happen for a reason, but now I believe you make that reason. The future is all I think about, but for once.. at least for tonight.. I would like to sink into the humbleness I admire in people. I would like to shower the fear and uncertainty away. I would like to sleep peacefully and wake up knowing what's real, what's important to me, and never question that importance again. I would like to stop thinking I'm wasting time, but building worthwhile memories and offering positive energy. I would like my cheeks to hurt from smiling and I would like to feel OK. I'm not saying I'm unlucky, just realizing each day could be better than the last.

Now for the chosen winners:


  1. Awesome. People think I'm really quiet and still, mainly because they don't realize that my toes are going non-stop inside my shoes, at a minimum.

  2. Congratulations and well done on receiving, 'The Versatile Blogger Award'. Our 'Masked Friend, once again shows impeccable taste.
    And well done to those you have forwarded it on too. I shall check them out. I'm sure they all do wonderful blogs.
    Acknowledgement and encouragement, inspires. You will have my ongoing support in your continuing writing endeavours. Take good care, and once again, well done.
    In kindness and encouragement, Gary:-)

  3. Congratulations on the award and congratulations to those you have bestowed it upon.

    From reading your 'things' it appears that you are headed for a season of change. Change is super scary but essential for growth. I know that it may sound cavalier of me but I am certain that you will adjust well and end up exactly where you need to be.

    Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

  4. Congrats! And thanks for passing it along :)

  5. I like #2/7. I'd like to think that as a writer I have grown a thick skin, but it would be a lie. Everyone needs encouragement and acknowledgment.
    Also I don't think you have to concentrate on being who you are. That is a lot like breathing. You can control it, but you also can let it run itself and it tends to be more effective than when you think about it.

  6. You are really an excellent writer, and express your thoughts with an enviable and honest ease. I hope we get a chance to read your fiction some day.

  7. Wow, this really was a brutaly honest self-revelation. Clearly you deserve the recognition, well done!
    Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’


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