Sunday, October 17, 2010

What a night

I had a breakdown tonight. Those kinds of breakdowns that have you wandering outside, as if the breathe of fresh air could calm you down. I acted like a crazy person; jittery and teary eyed. I've been crying a lot recently and sometimes I don't even have an actual purpose, even though in the moment I think I'm right to. These aren't short tears either. These are long, loud cries and I could feel this sadness run through my whole body. I become miserable and tonight was definitely the icing for this week. I suppose it's because I feel alone a lot. The fact that I never get out, unless it's to school, is really depressing. I wanted to be anywhere but here today but it didn't happen. I don't know why I don't just get in my car and drive. I wish I had an escape to go to. Then I think about all the things I need to get done and it keeps me from going anywhere.


  1. I think our souls aligned for one night, because I the exact same night.

  2. i sometimes have those day when i feel terribly sad but with no specific reasons..

    then sometimes when i'm talking to my mom at the phone, i would cry and she would sense that on my voice.. and she told me that I'm too emotional..

    i feel like i'm a bipolar.. depressed at once and manic next..

    hope you feel well soon... finish your errands and get somewhere you can ease yourself.. <3

  3. I've had those nights. Part of me thinks they happen because our bodies and minds need to cleanse something, hence the rivers of tears. Doesn't stop it from sucking any less though.

    I'm sorry you were feeling so down. Hope today is better.

  4. You are most certainly not alone. I have those days, I have those weeks, I have those months... they are awful, feeling like you'll never get out alive. Then something happens, it's hidden, it's small but the minute you feel it you know that life will soon be worth more than the loneliness you currentl feel.

    Just know that us bloggers are giving you gigantic hugs and if you ever need a venting buddy I'm always here :) Just shoot me an emal... jenniferdaiker(at)gmail(dot)com

  5. I'm sorry! I hope things look up for you. You are not alone!

  6. Like Kelly said, I think sometimes your body needs an emotional cleansing. You tend to know this, becausey you're crying at small things, if anything at all. Hope the cleansing works out and Life gets better :)

  7. I call these moments "cathartic releases." We carry around a lot and I don't think the soul is meant to harbor so much "hard." So we fall apart a bit and after we've had a good cry, taken a walk, felt a little bad--well, that's when the clouds part and the sun begins peeking through. It might not be full dawn, but it's a start. Hang in there.

  8. It is very good and cleansing to verbalise your feelings. You have done this so eloquently. Positive distractions, during such times, are vital to our healthy well being.
    Wishing you the very best and know you can always rely on my support and encouragement.
    In kindness, Gary.

  9. Cela - Sorry my soul had to be so lonely. Hope you feel better today and if not you could always go here: and laugh.

    Kamila - Sometimes it's ok to be emotional. My dad used to tell me that it's because we have big hearts. Other times it could be out of immature reasons. But I find that crying is good for the soul, even when it hurts. I guess it's hard to think that way when you're upset though. Thank you for your support. I'm getting all my homework done today and I plan to just relax, with a good movie, for the night.

    Mask - It's alright lady. Don't chu worry about mez! I feel much better. Just happens sometimes, ya know?

    Alex - Not your fault alex. Thank you for your support though.

    Kelly - That's a good way to say it. I agree with you because, always, once the tears are done you feel better than before. Thanks.

    Jen - You are very kind. Thank you for your support. I'm thankful for Blogger. It's the best outlet I could ask for. Your support is appreciated.

    Colene - Hey lady, it's alright. I'm better now. Thanks for understanding.

    NiaRaie - Thank you, the cleansing is certainly in a working progress.

    L.T. - That's a good name for it and definitely loved the imagery you've added to it. Thanks for this. It made me smile.

    Klahanie - I believe you; it is cleansing my feelings. I'm having one of those positive distractions right now, reading all these encouraging comments. Thanks, Gary. Your support is valued.

  10. hahahaha, oh my goodness, that was so long ago. We were just babies then.

  11. I've had spells like that, too, where tears come for no obvious reason. Well, the reasons are there in the background, but the immediate trigger isn't always obvious.

    Like Jen, I'm ready to lend a listening ear if you ever need it. If you ever want to talk offline feel free to drop me a note at iansbott at yahoo dot ca.

    Hope you're having a better day today.

  12. Hope you're feeling better Lettucehead! And I hope at least part of our chat the other day helped :) xoxo


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