Sunday, September 26, 2010

Solid in my heart

My boyfriend has left tonight to stay at our friend's new house. It always hurts me when he leaves, and it always surprises him. It doesn't hurt because I'm here alone. I actually don't mind the feeling. What it is, is his presence that I miss. He doesn't have to say a word and still sends comfort through my body and my mind becomes at ease with peace. I fall asleep instantly when we get to bed. He could be talking to me and I, accidentally, snore out. It used to bother him, but now he's just happy I sleep.  

As you can see, it's nearly 5:30 a.m. I find it hard to sleep when he's gone. Not that I'm trying to anyway. I've been listening to music all night, escaping through the energy, but once the song is finished my mind starts racing again. I figured this is the only way to get me to shut my eyes, so I wrote a piece to my boyfriend. Maybe I'll let him read it someday.

My love, the night feels darker without you. I wonder if you could hear my thoughts still. I hope you feel the warmth as you go about your day. It will remind you how alive you truly are. And that time is merely an illusion, so take it all in. I've never been able to fully say how much I love you. I can feel this ache as I type this because these words will never compare to how much I'd do for you. And you alone. You always seem to grab the right words and hang them over my head. I never forget. You are the biggest reward to my life. I've always known. No matter what I do, I'll always consider you. My love, I know I cry most of the time, but it's only around you. Because you bring the magic out of me. When we faced our fears, I didn't care to die. Even with every scream and ache I released. I only fear being away from you. Phrases like 'thank you' could never fit with how I appreciate you. You never forget to tell me good night. You always hold me as I wake. Our memories still get to me.


Lettuce Head


  1. Awww. How long is he away for? I trust he doesn’t read your blog then? How long have you been together? Yes, I know I’m nosey! Please feel free to ignore all or any of my questions.
    The enigmatic, masked blogger strikes again

  2. I love my husband and I know this feeling. I always miss him when he's gone, not that I don't want him to have fun but I just love his company.

  3. I think you should let him read it. Really.

  4. Nice piece.

    And my wife and I still feel that way when we spend nights apart and we've been married close to 10 years now.

    Heck, now that's started working 7 to 11 most evenings, I even miss her then. I'm getting some good writing done, and doing the dishes and all that. But still, it's nice having her around when I do those things.

  5. Jen - Exactly, I love the company as well. But I'm agree, I'm not here to hold him back either.

    Sam - I was so out of it when I wrote this, I think it let me speak more truth. I think I will share this with him when he gets back. Thanks :)

    C.N. Nevets - That's amazing. I'm sincerely happy for you and your wife. That's such a long time with a person, so many experiences, and I'm sure you both have learned so much from one another. You don't find that often.

  6. Young love is sweet.
    I have to confess though - after many years of marriage, I can't sleep if my wife's not there, either.

  7. That's so touching! I hope I find someone like that one day


  8. It's hard to sleep when the one who is the other half of your heart is missing. I think you might let him read this -- unless you think his hat size might increase -- that's hard to live with even if he doesn't wear hats!

    You have a moving, thought-provoking post, Roland

  9. Alex J. Cavanaugh - Yes, I'm hoping to someday say, "after many years of marriage" too. You should confess that to your wife, if you haven't already :)

    Misha - You most certainly will find someone who suits you effortlessly. In the meantime, keep doing what you love :)

    Roland D. Yeomans - Haha, Roland I don't believe his hat will ever get bigger than his head; he's too humble. Thank you for following me, I shall follow you :)

  10. You should let him read it, it's heartfelt and really quite sweet. I think he'd enjoy it.

  11. Hey Melissa, thanks, I'm considering telling him when he gets back :)

  12. the first couple years I was with my now husband, I hard a time saying aloud what I felt, and I wrote poems and letters to him all the time, so I started copying them down and giving them to him. I'm so glad I did. Now its easier to say aloud and I have a purple box that he painted with every written trinket that has passed between us.

  13. That's so cool, Dayana. What a great idea to contribute to your creativity (painting the box.)


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