New Blog

If you'd like to keep in touch with "Lettuce Head" I will finally get in the habit of posting again, but on my new blog: http://lettuce-head.blogspot.com/

So lets catch up!

Thoughts since January

Today's thought
Appreciate the journey instead of jumping to the finish line.

Thought 19 
Strive to be the best version of yourself, every single day.

Thought 18
Breathe, relax, contemplate. Enjoy the moment.

Thought 17
There are many ways to reach the same destination.

Thought 16
Believe in something. Because if you don’t believe in anything, where’s the life in that?

Thought 15
Change your ways while you’re young.

Thought 14
The more you let a moment go by, the less your life unfolds.

Thought 13
Quit wasting energy on things that don’t matter.

Thought 12
You don’t have a destiny, you have choices.

Thought 11
Ideas are infatuating.

Thought 10
In order to be happy in this world, you’ve gotta have patience.

Thought 9
Please don’t feel bad for saying the truth.

Thought 8
We can change our lives every day.

Thought 7
You can not depend on someone else for your happiness.

Thought 6
Don’t mirror people into friendships, or relationships. Be who you are.

Thought 5
Quit imagining how your life should be and make it that way.

Thought 4
Have confidence already. You’re wasting time.

Thought 3
Ignore what anyone says. Always follow your instincts.

Thought 2
You don’t have to say you’re just kidding, when I know you’re just kidding.

Thought 1
Sometimes I forget how many awesome people there are in this world.

Thought
We should all be like sponges and decide for ourselves what to contribute and continue in this world.

I can't write anymore

Oh gosh, you drive me fucking crazy. Knowing you are existing somewhere without me. Knowing all the time we spent existing together and have it become this: Nothing. You drive me fucking crazy. Knowing you are better off. Knowing I’m better off. I hate silence. But I didn’t hate it with you. I guess it still hurts. It’s hard for me to complete sentences these days. I don’t know if it’s because you’re not here, or if it’s because I have nothing to share. You use to keep my brain at peace.


- Always a Lettuce Head

It was nice to meet you

Think about it…how many faces do you see within a year? How many of them do you speak to, spend time with and build a relationship? I always think of the people who leave my life, but don't consider what they've left, or what I've given them. It's easy to say, "people shape you" but it's hard to see while it's happening. And there's always the people that stick out from the crowd (or at least the one you’d never forget).

There's a song by Iron & Wine called Trapeze Swinger, and it tells stories I haven't lived but the point of the song I took from it is to please remember who I am, as a whole. Not just the moments I listened to you speak, hugged you goodbye, bought you something, made you laugh till your eyes watered, lied to you, let you down, reminded you how amazing you are, reminded you life is special, took you for a drive, enjoyed the music together, enjoyed the scenery, enjoyed each other….

From their song,

Please, remember me happily
Please, remember me fondly
Please, remember me mistakenly
Please, remember me as in the dream
Please, remember me my misery
Please, remember me seldomly


Now, I'm going to spend the day remembering and leaving a piece of me.

Spiritual Atheism

I come from a religious background, where God is proclaimed to be the creator of all things, who answers your prayers, who always forgives and loves you. My entire family believes in Catholicism/Christianity. I experienced, what is referred to as childhood indoctrination (a child born into religion) which wasn't too insidious. I grew up having to attend Catechism, which is defined to be teachings of the biblical word. I attended class for eleven years (from 1st-11th grade), but my family and I would hardly attend church. My parents weren't strict about religion but they made it clear about what is "right" to believe in. They treasure the bible, use God for their reason of existence and to my knowledge, haven't bothered to think otherwise. My father would say, they were raised that way and will continue the tradition. So I took their beliefs without questioning because in all honesty, I didn't care. If anyone asked, I believed in God and had no true reason other then "The bible says so!" (along with my parents).

Through high school I had many phases and joined different crowds, who carried different beliefs. I am a very influenced person so I was easily convinced into believing what my friends believed in since I never had my own true beliefs. I wouldn't just believe either, I would verbalize it. I've had countless blogs over the internet that have, at some point, talked about my belief, or not belief, in God. After high school I started hanging out with a different crowd and became entwined with their beliefs. They loved Jesus and were die-hard Christians/Theists. It became a routine to hang out with them every day and go to church every Sunday. Not that I’m criticizing them, either. It was laid-back and acceptance was never an issue. It struck me and made me crave to feel close to the God they cherished; the God that made them feel free and wanted. I would pray, read the bible, talk/write about it, and God was the center of my attention.

My parents were very pleased, yet surprised. It was a transformation, literally. I have witnessed many things, like tongue-speaking and fainting to the ground because you've been “hit by the Holy Spirit.” It was truly an eye-opening point in my life and when I look back upon it, I don't regret it. It has taught me a lot because you can not believe in something without seeing all sides.

Once I got a job I could hardly go to church. My job took up most of my free time and I started losing touch with my friends. Plus, there were minor issues that I kept in the back of my head, keeping me from being in touch.

It's hard for me to explain my next transformation and it would have been hard to believe considering how outspoken I was about faith, but I began to question my beliefs. What was I standing for exactly and why? I always knew how to answer the first question but never the second. At which case, anybody would say it isn't a valid belief then, but when it comes to religious people... they let it slide. Richard Darwin said it very well, "What is so special about religion that we grant it such uniquely privileged respect?"

I know my parents would feel doomed knowing "I'm going to Hell" and try to find a way to "save me," though I could easily question my parents for their traditional beliefs. Why should my opinion or concern in God (supernatural, or not) be disregarded because of a continuous cycle to have faith? As I learn more about science I know exactly what I am denying. I am simply accessing and breaking apart what I’ve been told, to see what's really going on and to know where I stand. I think my choice to have believed in God was not just because I was afraid of the unknown but because I felt part of something. Nothing’s as satisfying as it would be with company. I no longer felt lonely. I was reminded that my thoughts mattered to "Him" and the romance blinded the truth.

So far, I’ve learned we should embrace the unknown as a gift to our minds and souls. It rejuvenates us and revitalizes the very core of our being. Ultimately, it reminds us how small we are. This doesn't make me hopeless or lose compassion as a human being. And as I search for reason I know that I could never be fond of religion again. I can say without any skepticism, I do not believe nor follow the bible and the God it claims.

What do I believe?
I won't deny the need for it. I have written, "Believe in something. Because if you don’t believe in anything, where’s the life in that?" But do not mistake this statement for religion, or a God.

This clip from Laci Green is where I stand these days. It's like she read my mind.

Hi

Anaesthetized

Everything around me is empty
The spinning and the spinning of it all
If it wrapped up and hid a bit longer
Maybe it wouldn't have surprised me at all
Come out and let me hear you
Come out and show your true skin
Just don't be afraid to leave me
I'll always have my thoughts for company
Now another box of memories
Floating, distracting, in front of me
When the hardest part of the day is sleeping
And there are no words competing, just lingering
I can't forget the way it felt
Or the way it seemed
And as I continue to spin, to spin, to spin
I become just as empty